24. Loving Reactions

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24.  Loving Reactions

You two are arguing, stress levels are high, or you've woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Life seems negative and nothing is going right.  You can change that frown upside down by just choosing to change your mood.  It's a habit that takes practice but makes a world of difference.  When you find yourself in difficult circumstances take a moment to reflect and choose to react to tough situations in your marriage with love instead of irritation.

If you need a little help changing your mood in the bedroom take a peek at Bringing Sexy Back.

If this challenge isn't one you need to work on or to view previous challenges click HERE. 

23. Celebrate Success

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23.  Celebrate Success

Cherish the little accomplishments that your spouse achieves.  Be there to support and encourage each other to go after their dreams and aim for the stars.  Share with your spouse how glad you are about any success they enjoy.

One way to celebrate successes is by giving Love Cash every time they accomplish a task.  Trust me, they will be looking forward to continually doing better!

For previous Fight For Your Love tips click HERE.

23. Making Number ONE What Matters Most

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23.  Making Number ONE What Matters Most

What can you do for your marriage in 2012?   Try making a New Year’s resolution to improve your relationship.  New Years is right around the corner, it's time to start thinking about New Year's resolutions. Are you planning on getting in shape, eating healthier, or excelling at work? How many of you have decided to be a better husband or wife? Shouldn't the person that matters the most be on the top of our goal list? This year pick a goal that focuses on your spouse and make that #1 on your goal list.

22. Three Things

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22.  Three Things

Sometimes we need to be direct and ask our spouse to mention something we do that bugs them.  Even when we are trying to behave and be a good housemate we do things that can get under each other's skin without any clue we are doing so.  Make your spouse happier by asking them to tell you three things that you do that makes them uncomfortable or aggravated.   Pick the timing of this discussion carefully, don't be defensive, be ready to listen, and prepare to make changes.

21. Ask

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21.  Ask

Contact your spouse sometime during the day to ask how they are doing and ask them if you can do anything for them.  Helping your spouse with a chore, errand, or duty will help make their load lighter.  Easing each other's stress level will brighten your day!

    

20. Positivity

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20.  Positivity

Not one single negative word is allowed to be said about your couple.   When you get upset and want to rant and rave, remember all the amazing and wonderful things about your spouse.  Refuse to let even a sliver or negativity sneak in, focus on the positives and eliminate the negatives!   As you do this you will realize there is a lot more to be happy about than to be sad about.  

19. Special Something

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19.  Something Special

Let your spouse know they are on your mind with simple gestures.  Buy your spouse a gift that says, "I was thinking about you today."  Your gift can be as simple as a lollipop ring, or a compass, or their favorite treat.   

  

18. No Expectations

Happy Veteran's Day!  This is a special day for many of us including me.  Today, along with many other days, I remember the love my Tata had for his family and his country!  Thank you to all of you who faithfully serve this country, allowing us all to enjoy our freedom! 

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18.  No Expectations

For the next few weeks serve your spouse without any expectations.  Serve them dinner, bring them a warm towel as they step out of the shower, give them oral delights, rub their back, serve them breakfast in bed, leave love notes around the house, or plan date night.  Remember, you are freely serving them without a single selfish desire.  I promise, you will receive more than you give when you serve without expecting a single thing in return!   

17. Yes, Yes, Yes

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17.  Yes, Yes, Yes

This week focus on saying "yes" instead of saying "no." Don't worry about who's turn it is to take out the trash, put the kids to bed, or fill up the gas tank, stop tallying who did what last and who's turn it is next. Each time you say "YES" you are serving each other and creating a happier attitude and stronger relationship. xox ♥ 

16. Make Everyday Special

Happy Father's Day!!! I hope you have had a great day, that you've been spoiled rotten, and that you've been praised for all your hard work as a good husband and father.

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16. Make Everyday Special

This is a repeat challenge from Mother's Day.  I thought it was worth sharing again because it applies to Father's Day or any other special occasion as well.

Father's Day, Birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's, Anniversaries and other holidays are times when we find ourselves making an effort to show our spouse how much we truly love and cherish them. We write notes, we buy flowers, we plan for special trips, and we purchase items all in hopes that we express everything we feel in our hearts. You don't need an excuse to celebrate your spouse. These tender expressions of love should be something we do on a daily basis. Don't wait for a special holiday to show your spouse you love, cherish, and enjoy them. Make an effort every day to let them know how special they are and how grateful you are to have them in your life.

 

15. Listen to Learn

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15.  Listen to Learn

Would you like easy to follow directions on how to be a better spouse, friend, lover, and parent?  All it takes is a little bit of time together talking and listening to your spouse.  If needed, schedule opportunities regularly to sit and talk.  Possible questions to discuss are:  Ask how you can be a better husband or wife.  Ask how you can be a better friend.  Discover how you can be a better mother/father.  Find out how you can be a better lover.  The key is to really listen.  If we will take the time to listen, we will learn exactly the type of partner our spouse would like us to be.   Elder Russell M. Nelson sums this up perfectly, "Husbands and wives, learn to listen, and listen to learn from one another...Taking time to talk is essential to keep the lines of communication in tact."

14. Date Night

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14.  Date Night

Go on a date each week.  To qualify as a date, no kids or kid talk is allowed!  This time is only for the two of you.  Making a regular weekly date night helps you to reconnect and focus on each other.  Talk about your passions, your future goals, or your concerns.  Make it a goal to plan a date that allows you to engage and talk with each other.  If dating your spouse seems like too much preparation or work, the next few sentences are for you.  Take turns asking each other out. The person asked out gets to pick the date.  Set a date and keep it!!! See how easy dating can be!

13. Opposite Strengths

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13.  Opposite Strengths

Take a moment to do this little exercise.  Grab a piece of paper and a pen.  Fold your paper in half.  On one side write your name on the other your spouses.   Spend 5 minutes writing their strengths on their section and yours on your section.

Was it easier to think of their strengths then yours?  Did you feel like you could go continue writing for another 30 minutes?  Are you amazed at how wonderful your spouse is?

If you are like most couples the two of you have opposite strengths and weaknesses.  As a couple your differences compliment each other. What you falter in, your spouse can make up.  Take time this week to appreciate your spouse's strengths and recognize how their strengths overcome your weaknesses.

12. Say "No" to Technology

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12.  Say "No" to Technology

When sitting down to dinner, going on a date, or on vacation stay away from your cell phone, computer or TV.  Spend time focusing on each other without distractions!

11. Make Everyday Special

Happy Mother's Day!!!  I hope you have had a great day and that it has been full of love and sweetness!

Fight For Your Love

11.  Make Everyday Special

Mother's Day, Birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's, Anniversaries and other holidays are times when we find ourselves making an effort to show our spouse how much we truly love and cherish them.  We write notes, we buy flowers, we plan for special trips, and we purchase items all in hopes that we express everything we feel in our hearts.  You don't need an excuse to celebrate your spouse. These tender expressions of love should be something we do on a daily basis.  Don't wait for a special holiday to show your spouse you love, cherish, and enjoy them.   Make an effort every day to let them know how special they are and how grateful you are to have them in your life.

10. Forgive One Another

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10.  Forgive One Another

Have you found yourself in a situation where you feel like your spouse has done something to you that is unforgivable?  Have you ever done something to your spouse that you thought they would never forgive you for?  I think many of us have found ourselves in these situations.  Now let's flip this around...Have you ever been forgiven by someone who you deeply wronged?  If so how did that feel?  You should have felt a weight off your shoulders, a bit of gratitude, and or a sense of respect and love for that person.  Forgiving someone can also bring about great benefits as well.  Letting go of anger or hurt feelings can make you feel lighter, happier, and more loving.  The next time your spouse does something and asks for your forgiveness, make the effort to truly forgive them.

09. 5:1

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09.  5:1

Remember the days when you were courting your spouse and you noticed all their positive attributes.  You seldom mentioned or noticed any of their negative traits.   You found their differences intriguing or exciting.  You knew how to make your partner feel valued and loved.  I know you can remember those days and right now you are probably thinking what happened to that guy or girl I was dating.  We all have this lovey-dovey stage and the longer a couple is together the farther we drift away from that stage.  Instead of automatically noticing the positives you now find yourself automatically noticing the negatives.  Since your focus is on the negatives these are the things you naturally pay attention to and what you tend to comment on.

John Gottman, a marriage relationship expert, has a great formula to keep couples happy and away from divorce.  He suggests you aim for a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.  This positive interaction of love, interest, and generosity can be in the form of verbal and non verbal cues.  Even if you are angry with your partner or feeling resentful just try this for a week and see what happens.  If you can't muster up a 5:1 ratio start with 2:1 then gradually move up, a little start is better then nothing.

Now if you are thinking I can't possibly think of 2 let alone 5 nice things to say to my spouse in one day then you have lost perspective.  Each individual has more good qualities and strengths then bad.  Each person is better then any of their mistakes.  Every relationship has a few good qualities.  So if you are finding it hard to focus on the good it is because you have forgotten to take notice and comment on the positive.  

Your challenge for this week is starting today change your perspective and notice all the good in your spouse and comment on them!  Make your spouse feel seen and cared for by aiming for that 5:1 ratio.

08. Timing is the Best Policy

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08.  Timing is the Best Policy

How many times have you heard, "Honesty is the best policy?"  Is it really?  Honesty is the best policy when the timing is right and when it is not brutal.  These are times when the timing isn't right: When you find yourself or your partner in a bad mood, a stressed out situation, when your partner isn't listening, or when either of you are angry.  This can lead to beating an issue to death, closing lines of communication, taking an issue deeper into negativity, or belittling or shaming each other.  Harriet Lerner says all that I'm trying to say in a tiny precise package, "Timing and tact in marriage are not the opposite of honesty.  When emotions are running high, timing and tact are precisely what make honesty possible."

07. Be Kind

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07. Be Kind

This is almost always easier said then done.  Being kind can be really difficult but is very possible if you work at it.  Sometimes we don't feel kind.  Sometimes we want the other person to be kind first.  Then there are times when being kind might feel fake.  I love the saying that goes something like this, "Fake it till you make it."  Sometimes we have to put negativity, criticism, and bitterness on the back burner and refrain from behaving in any of those manners.  Instead be kind, respectful, supporting, and generous.  Behaving in this positive manner will help create a sense of authenticity, truth telling, and productive problem solving.  There is this great little quote I want to share with you by Marianne Ault-Riche, "It's just when your partner is being the biggest jerk that you're called upon to be your best self."

06. I'm Sorry

Happy Easter Everyone!!!  I hope you are enjoying the day in your special way.  Since it is Easter I thought I would make the challenge of the week align with an Easter-ish theme of repentance.

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06. I'm Sorry

We all make mistakes and are far from being perfect.  So then why is it so hard to say, "I'm sorry"?  We teach our kids to say sincere apologies to their siblings.  We notice situations where people mess up and need to say sorry.  We are quick to tell others that they have offended us.  For some people it is hard for them to realize that they have made a mistake.  For others they are too prideful and don't want to admit their wrong doings.  Yet for some they feel too ashamed to admit they have weaknesses.  In all these situations it is still important for us to say I'm sorry when we are in the wrong.  Saying I'm sorry and meaning it in your relationship will help to improve your marriage in more ways then you realize.  It will let your spouse know that you are trying to improve, that you care about their feelings, that you aren't always right, and that you are humble enough to admit your failings.  So man or women up and be the first to say I'm sorry to your spouse when you have made a bad choice.